I normally sub stories electronically. In fact, I've got to the point where, if I see a zine will only accept 'postal subs', I move on. But sometimes you have to. For womag, for instance.
The first problem is the printer. At home I have a 'networked' printer, which purrs like a contented cat when my husband clicks 'print', but will only cooperate for me if I climb the stairs with my laptop and plug in the usb cable. As Sunday night was somewhat fraught and me exhausted, I couldn't be bothered. I backed up the story on my hard drive and printed it at work, which meant standing around the shared printer in a very guilty manner while it printed so as to avoid my colleagues' possible questions.
Sunday night having been, as I mentioned, fraught, I forgot the envelopes. Never mind, I thought; I'll pick some up at the Post Office. I set off for my lunch time walk, carrying the story in a plastic polypocket inside a Body Shop carrier bag. I even remembered the paper clip which all womags demand.
Ten minutes later, I arrived at the main Post Office in the town where I work. I tried to ignore the Communist era queue snaking around the shop and the robotic announcements - 'Checkout Number Six, please'. I wandered around the wall displays of padded envelopes, old fashioned brown wrapping paper, sturdy cardboard boxes, bubble wrap... everything but normal envelopes. After pacing around like a lost soul for several minutes, I found someone to ask. "Oh no," she said. "We've only got what you can see there. We're reorganising our displays." Post Office? No envelopes? Use it or lose it? Right!
Five minutes walk to W H Smith's, who did sell envelopes, stand in their lunchtime queue, then five minutes back to the Post Office. Time was running out now, and, not having time for the long and winding line, I used the automated facility instead. And, dear reader, it worked, first time, weighing my package and discharging the correct stamps. Hurray!
I did a final check: typescript, SAE, paperclip... Where was that paper clip? I did put one inside the polypocket. Really. Honestly. I turned the polypocket upside down and even the Body Shop bag, but it wasn't there now. And you've guessed it! The Post Office didn't appear to sell paper clips.
I began to trudge back to work, out of the main shopping area, past the theatre and the pub, and on to the walkway across the main road. And there, dear reader, lying on the concrete path, was a solitary paper clip.
Well, I'm not proud. I stooped. I picked it up. I pressed the pages of my typescript between the paper clip's claws and stuck down the envelope, which I slipped into an adjacent letterbox.
Time taken to sub postally: 60 minutes.
Time normally taken to sub electronically: 1 minute.
The womag I've subbed to had better accept it.
